Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Warm it up Kris. I'm about to.*

I have wanted to be more regular with blogging. I was in a good run for a while. I have fizzled. Call it the winter blahs, SAD, perhaps just good-old-fasioned depression. Doulicia ain't got so much to say.

We are hoping to put our house on the market in a few months. That calls for a flurry of work around the house that I feel utterly unable to do. This is deep psychological territory for me: the maintenance and appearance of one's living quarters. I come from a family of cleaners, fussers, skilled fixers, doers. Also critics. Which is why the voices in my head have risen to deafening levels: "You think anyone is going to buy this heap?" "You can just paint over that, you have to scrape and sand it first."

And the real subtext: "Your house sucks as do you."

So my efforts the past week -- and for several more to come -- will be to rail against that self-talk. Against the antagonism of bitter cold and ceaseless snow. Against a work situation where I feel undervalued and about which I am, of late, uninspired. Against anxiety about an upcoming trip south with my parents that is primed to rival if not surpass the one of two years ago.

On the bright side, my wrist is feeling better so knitting is back to regular levels. And I just read a fun book. "Focus on the little joys." That's as good place as any to start with the affirmations.

*courtesy of Kris Kross, "Warm It Up."

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2 Comments:

Blogger Heather Lerner said...

Sorry you're feeling so down. Michael and I quote Kriss Kross all the time and it helps raise our spirits, it's funny to hear you say it!

7:37 AM  
Blogger Naomi said...

wondered where you were, what doing. winter is so oppressive for some of us--including me. reading about your angst has momentarily startled me out of mine! that worked.

hope to see you visit soon. oh, yes, will have to tell you peculiar occurrence from our condom amulet ravelry group.

yours, naomi

4:06 PM  

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