Tuesday, March 20, 2007


What better word to describe how I've felt lately. About so many things.

About knitting. Cinxia is making my fingers ache the stitches are so tight i can't get gauge with anything else I touch despite swatching up and down needle sizes always the wrong weight yarn or the wrong needle sizes i just want to be making something pretty and soothing not cursing every five minutes and threatening to douse the garment with lighter fluid and burn baby burn.

About the kids. Sometimes it's okay to say out loud that much as I love you dear son i do not at this moment like you when you refuse to wear a coat tho it's 28 degrees out and windy and by the time we've walked six blocks your ears are red as apples and you keep drifting in front of me so i either have to stop in my tracks to avoid you or step on you which makes you fuss or push you out of the way which is what i want to do but refrain from because it's just rude.

About volunteering. Like I want to spend the hour and a half of free time i have today working on a project for the center that won't make a difference anyway because we lack organization and competent leadership and we're no better off now than we were three years ago when i joined the board in fact we have backslid in some areas.

About, dare I say it? Birth. Don't mess with the doula stuff anyway it's more trouble than it's worth you help less than you think and you only help people who don't really need doulas anyway you've been kidding yourself to think it's more than a hobby you're lucky enough to engage in and the family wishes you wouldn't anyway.

At first I thought it was my blood, steaming in on a hormone express, exacting retribution for writing about it a few posts ago. But that only explains the weekend. I don't know what explains today. Stay out of my way.

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Blogger mm said...

Hello... what are you and cooler doula doing with my life?
Hope tomorrow is better... would it make you happy if I offered you one of my prototype cloth pads? I think you'd like the bunny print... but e-mail me and I'll send photo details of the fabric choices... the bunnies are good, trust me.
I'm throwing myself into sewing instead of the reality of the federal budget, the upcoming provincial one... the midwives fleeing my Province, the two women I turned away from being their doula.... yeah, I'm sure I'll be swearing every third seam! =)
The knitting needles are on a shelf at the moment. Too frustrating!

5:22 PM  
Anonymous Guinever said...

I thought I'd stop by your blog and say thanks for linking to me! I really appreciate it. I also wanted to let you know that I just posted the birth story of my most recent home birth. Enjoy reading.

I hope you get to feeling better about life real soon.

Birthing blessings, Guinever

10:03 PM  

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